Hi there!
A couple of months ago I was casually surfing the net when I came across this article which stated that Spanish young adults were the fifth oldest in Europe to leave home (at an average age of 28.9 years), only beat by Croatians, Maltans, Slovakians, Greeks, in line with Portuguese and Italians and way above (in average age, duh!) the Swedes (the most premature by far), who leave home on average as early as 19.6 years. The latter share with other nordic fellows (The Danes, Finns and Norwegians) that tendency to leave home at an early age (circa 20-21). Between both ends of this continuum lie the rest of European countries (Netherlands, France, Germany, Austria, Belgium...), whose youngsters move out of their parents' place at an average age of 23-24.
The thing is that this information did not suprise me in the slightest: I guess Northern, protestant cultures tend to value and foster more independence and abandoning the family nest, whereas family bonds tend to be stronger in Southern, Catholic countries, which probably prevents their youth from leaving home so early. Besides, that VERY average age was incidentally the age at which I left home myself! (My leaving home story is not a particularly original one: like most people in their late 20s, with a moderately stable job and semi-decently paid one, having gone steady for quite a long time with a girlfriend, with an equally average-paying job, and kinda tired of the inconvenience of living with each one's parents and dating like a couple of adolescents which we had long ceased to be, decided to take that not particularly bold step).
Anyway, I have the sneaking suspicion that culture, tradition and family values are not the only aspects influencing this comparatively late age in Southern European countries, and definitely not in Spain: lack of job security, low wages and- quite frankly- shitty jobs all lead to young adults being priced out of the housing market. In other words: paying the average rent/ mortgage and making ends meet, while living on the jobs which most people between 20 and 30 get offered is unthinkable, unfathomable, just out of the freaking question. Sad but true. Yes, we all enjoy mommy's hot, nice meals, but that is not the only reason why we still live with mom and dad well late into our 20s. Do you agree with this?
PLEASE, DO NOT TELL ANYONE HOW I LIVE
Talk about "embarrassment". Yes, the standard, regular, normal leaving-home process has been discussed in the previous paragraphs and yet we know dozens of cases of people way older than the 28.9 average age who, much to their chagrin- or not-, still live at their parents' home. The reasons? Well, they are definitely of a pretty varied nature: first, if you (someone not really well versed on what life is like in Spain) thought the dreary conditions of the labor market described in the paragraphs above suddenly change- for the better- as if by magic, once you turn 30, you probably belong to Mars or something. Well, of course, they do not; the main difference between Today's working class young adults and a Charles Dickens' novel is that people nowadays usually have smartphones, use Whatsapp and take selfies looking cheeringly happy which they will of course immediately upload on any given social networking site. Little else, if you ask me.
Secondly, one's once pretty neat living conditions might change at the stroke of a pen: people unfortunately get divorced or are made redundant and then, everything changes. A double-income household might be able to bear with all the expenses that the family unit entails (you know, mortgage/rent, bills, food, kids, etc.); however, doing the same on one or NONE income is far more difficult. Add child maintenance/ alimony and the thing gets worse, of course. And you know, no matter how strong the emotional link is between one and their beloved parents, having to return- with one's tail between the legs- to your parents' home after having experienced the joy of independece must be tough.
The third and last (of the ones listed here) case is probably the less frequent and most curious: we all may have a friend or acquaintance who, despite having a good job and being able to live semi-comfortably, freely chose to go on living with their parents- even if they are 35-40 or even older!-. They brag about the convenience and comfort of having your meals made, your laundry done, not having to deal with annoying payments, etc, but, let's face it, anyone in that situation is likely to be considered a weirdo, if not directly a lazybones, slacker, a piece of trash scumbag by many. But, as I always say, "one man's meat is another man's poison"/"there's no accounting for taste", you name it...
I agree with you. Today people find serious difficulties to leave home. I have friends they wish they left home but who can not because they don't have a good job. To sum up, in Spain we leave home late, but as you have said, there's no accounting for taste... Everybody has their reasons.
ReplyDeleteNoelia
Thanks for your comments, Noelia! Yeah, unfortunately, we all know a couple of cases, don't we?
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ReplyDeleteI totally agree with both, but appreciated Javier nowadays, I think there is a new case. I´m referring to those people who say that "leave home" but they really eat, take the dinner and tuppers with cooked food from mother´s house for the next day. That´s saving and optimizing resources jejeje
ReplyDeleteAlberto
Hahaha, those might be easily the smartest ones, Alberto!
DeleteWRITTEN BY TATYANA ARNALADOS JURADO
ReplyDeleteI've just read your uploading and I'll tell you that I'm surprised. I think that you shouldn't be so hard and explicit in your comments, because behind of each person always there is a story and that person has also a particulars.
I think that anybody is at parent's house at a certain age out of pleasure; due to at current situation crisis could be many reasons: people who work but earn little, people don't work, a woman separated who has been battered/abused who can't maintain herself, a disabled person, marriages with children without job who can't feed them, people with addition problems, people who lost your job and can't maintain theirself... ...
I believe that a person is valuable for what they are, and although they lost their job, they still being in the same way valuable because they are that, a person -with theirs particulars. And in my case, after a time I being working, I'm unemployed again, but have to face to the same regular expenses, which are almost like you explain in 'Put your money where your mouth is' plus photocopies, sure, and, the true, It was 'chocante' -shocking- reading how a civil servant tell how with a decently- paid job barely make ends meet and hasn't any worry about the money which there is in your account or for saving it.... effectively my friend, you are not worried because you are civil servant and has a safe salary every month... yes, you are a FORTUNATE guy, but not every people has that luck, luck sometimes comes face and another luck goes away and life changes in just a second. That is reality of many people. For this reason, you can go to a incredible 'holiday' week and you forget but later you come back to the grim reality, it isn't a cliché , it is like that
I also tell you that although you don't worry save for a rainy day nor anything similar, that I hope that you always have much health for you be able to do that job for a live that you have.' Rainy days' could appear many classes, not only materially speaking... I have said.
P.D It would hurt you inspect the word 'trash' of your vocabulary, you shouldn't use it with so lightly. I know which trash mean, but I don't know which is 'scumbagby' ¿what does it mean?
Hey hey! Thanks Tatyana for your comments. As I said, they keep the blog alive and you're one of the most active users of this blog!
DeleteAnyway, you should tell me where exactly in my entry I have criticised/ dismissed/ slagged off/ thrashed people beyond their 30s who haven't still left home, because I just can find it.
Precisely, what I do in the paragraphs below the "Please don't tell anyone how I live" section is analyzing the different factors why that undesirable situation takes place: I address reasons such as unemployment, family breakups, badly paid jobs, etc. I forgot to mention other causes, such as the ones you list (abused women, disabilities), which of course does not mean that I don't sympathize with the people suffering them. So please, before accusing someone of being an insensitive person, read well and make sure you understood everything!
If anything, in the third paragraph I write about the people who BEING ABLE TO AFFORD to leave home and live pretty comfortably, decide to do otherwise, because they don't want to cope with the inconviences of living in their own place (meals, housework, bills). These people, I wrote, are likely to be considered by many (not necessarily ME) weird, strange and sometimes downright lazy.
I understand behind each case/ person there is a personal story and background, and would never make fun of tragic stories, nor have I done in this or other entries. Believe me, I'm not that callous.
Besides, despite I don't consider becoming a civil servant teacher/doctor/nurse the epitome of "personal accomplishment" "professional success" or the peak of anybody's career at all (if it is considered like that in Spain, it says a lot about the mediocre country we live in), I think that behind any case of "success", there is also a story in which many factors intersect , luck may be one of them, but hard work also plays a fundamental role, and it certainly did in my case.
Anyway, I appreciate your words, because it is not one's opinions/views or impulses which we are judging here, but expressing oneself in English, and for that I give you my thumbs up!
* I just CAN'T find it...
DeleteFor God's sake and I call myself an English teacher???
DeleteI messed up here basically for writing too fast and carelessly: "despite not considering/ Although I don't consider..."
I agree with you, nowadays is very difficult to leave home. However people live with their parents for the convenience of having made the food, breakfast and dinner, full Board, but with the freedom to do whatever we want.
ReplyDeleteAbout the comment from Alberto, So it is easy to become independent. What a nerve! Mature jejeje
Yolanda.
Great words, Yolanda!!! Great language skills, as well!
DeleteAnyway, it would be even better if you said "having the food made" (word order)
Cheers!
J.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteGood God, what a writing! Maybe I have not been scrupulous enough, but it has been hard for me to find ONE single mistake in your writeup. Yes, the ones you found and nothing else!
DeleteGreat, great, great
Keep up with the good work, Paula!
I understand who say "I can't leave parent's house" due to economic handicaps, such as lack of well paid jobs and costly standard of living. It's true, find an affordable home is terribly hard nómadas, but on the other hand all of us know people that has accomplished it. In my humble opinión, who want to leave home finally leave home, before or later, it's only a question time. So, don't hesitate, do your best and become independent, is no easy but perfectly possible!!!!
ReplyDeleteHey! Great insights, Andrés.
DeleteAnyway, take notice of these:
"I understand who say..." sounds strange (i.e.: incorrect)- It's better like this: "I understand THOSE who say..."
"Costly standard of living" does not make much sense- "High cost of living" does.
"It's true, FINDING an affordable home is terribly..."
"People that HAVE accomplished..."
"In my humble opinion, THOSE who want ot leave home"
"SOONER or later"
"It's only a question OF time"
"IT's NOT easy, but perfectly..."
where I said "nómadas" I wanted to say "nowadays". Sorry about the mistake
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I think that parents sometimes hasn´t brought their children up very well.
ReplyDeleteParents give all cravings their children, they give them a car, money for petrol and money to go out to dinner and lunch etc..
They allow that their children to be lazy and slackers; and then parents cry because their children are become in adults and they don´t know how to do anything.
So they have created a social stupid person,that only know how to ask things.
It´s logical that with that conditions : hot meal,fresh money and new clothes, everyone wants to keep living at their parent´s house.
You know, you always can choose other option like to go abroad, to share a flat with a friend or acquaintance and also work as a witer while you are studying...
So true, Keti!
DeleteTake notice of the following, though:
"Parents HAVEN'T brought up their..."
"Parents give their children EVERYTHING THEY WANT/ASK FOR"
"... and then they FEEL SORRY because their children have TURNED INTO adults..."
"... they have created a SOCIALLY stupid person that only KNOWS how to ask FOR things"
"you can always choose ANOTHER option/ OTHER options"
First of all I have to say that statistics do not appeal to me whatsoever.I actually have never been interested in averages nor fashions,I just believe in individuals.In my view,the more equal we think we are according to the society´s values(that unknown big brother that tells us what is all fashion;and then,we follow the crowd without thinking),the harder we will find it to be able to understand what really makes us equal,that is,what really joins us.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand you have already told everything about the common reasons why spaniards tend to leave home so late.Not having a steady job leads to youngadults having to stay in their parents´place til´ they can afford to pay a rent or a mortgage.It is quite obvious.Therefore we could say that the key is around the labor market.It seems that this endless crisis that started more than eight years ago,could benefit some(big enterprises´businessmen,capitalists,and powerful people like some politicians),and as a result, temporary jobs and low wages will be the rule for a long time.
Anyway,as I said at the beginning,the most important facts of our history have come into being because of individual stories.
I personally left home cuz,to be honest,I could not put up with living in my parents´home,like,we often had arguments(in reality I have never gotten on well with them)and I also needed my own space,so I decided to share a rental with some flatmates.That is why I dropped out of university and started to work so as to be able to pay my part of the rent,and so that I could meet my own expenses.I confess that back then it was easier to find a job than nowadays(if one really wanted to work).
Great words, as usual, Diego:
DeleteI wouldn't say "the key is around the labor market", but "the key/main reason HAS TO DO with the labor market"
Other than that, impeccable stuff, great thoughts and insights as usual, Diego.
Thanks for your honest words!