In Praise of Love (and friendship, too!)

"All you need is Love" sang the Beatles, but "What is Love?" as that Dance tune of the 90s said, "Is this Love?" ask Whitesnake in their super famous song and... Well, enough, Javier.

The thing is that, if you think about it, "love" is a complicated term to explain; I mean, if you ask anyone to quickly explain what they understand for love, most will start by saying "it's something you feel when..." but most of those definitions will likely be imprecise, vague and ,definitely, very different from each other. Yes, love is not easy to define, yet it is one of the basic pillars/axes of a fulfilling life (along with health and wealth) and, undoubtedly, probably the main reason which has led to almost any human creation, endeavor, enterprise, undertaking or action ever. Yes, I challenge you to find any work that is not the result of any human passion. Most artistic or literary works stem from "the love of something or for someone": think about Shakespeare's literary works (Romeo and Juliet, Othelo, Hamlet, etc) for instance. But this is not limited to "romantic love"; some works stem from "the love of God" (the Holy Bible, the Koran...), the love of one's identity (wars of independence), the love of one's country/culture and contempt for others' (laws of immigration, Islamic terrorism...), love of a pure, superior, immaculate race (Nazism, ethnic cleansing, etc.), you get it, right?

So, the concept of love is so broad and wide that we're gonna focus here on the idea of  "romantic love", all right?

From very early on, we hear countless stories about what love is supposed to be: you meet the boy/girl of your dreams, marry him/her, start a family and live super happily ever after. Yeah, right. I guess some genuinely live a life like that: they meet their true soulmate, their significant other, hit it off like immediately, experience "love at first sight", find out that they are actually the Ying to the other's Yang, everything is nice and easy in their coexistence and never have a single argument or remarkable problem. If you belong to this group of people, lucky you. Most people, however, know that this thing called love is not devoid of difficulties and highs and lows, and that it takes some of one's commitment and effort.

First of all, all that "take me as I am" nonsense is... well, nonsense: in sharing one's life with another person/other people, one needs to be prepared to compromise and be willing to adapt one's personal ambitions, routines, hobbies for the sake of a greater good (i.e.: that relationship), and also be ready to change one's ways because, believe me or not, nobody's perfect. If you didn't have to change ANYTHING AT ALL in your life, you rarely take into account your partner when planning it and yet, they never question anything, but follow you instead like a loyal lapdog who's totally under your thumb, well, I'm not exactly sure that one is a very healthy relationship. It may be perfect and perfectly convenient for YOU, I guess, but I doubt he/she will deeply feel the same.

Secondly, we have to be ready to learn from our mistakes and struggle to not make them in the future: yeah, we all at some point MAY have been too dependant on someone or way too cold, aloof, indifferent to them, we may have been cheated on or have cheated on somebody, treated somebody like dirt or been treated like dirt- and lived with it-, let a stormy relationship go on way too long and end up in an acrimonious breakup or parted ways far too soon and ended a probably would-be-great relationship (maybe for not wanting to compromise at all!). "To err is human" says the saying ("and to forgive is divine" it continues). So there is no point in crying over spilled milk, bemoaning and cursing our terrible luck. The past is passed. So let's try to get over it and focus on the present and future. And I KNOW, as with many things in life, the "easier said than done" line applies very well when it comes to relationships, but let's just try, shall we?

Thirdly, we have to be HONEST with ourselves and know what we want in life, what we expect from ourselves and from other people. And be sincere. "What we do in life echoes in eternity" said that character Maximus in Gladiator. So, I think it is better to be brutally honest with yourself and the rest and accept that it may be difficult for you to have a "normal" relationship and sometimes feel like shit, than be full of shit because you cannot tell the truth if your life depended on it. Again, "easier said than done".

Besides, there's one thing that bums me out a little bit and it is the "mercantilism" that sometimes surrounds relationships, the laws of supply and demand that have almost always run love and romance; I'll explain myself: if you are wealthy, intelligent, fun, educated,good-looking, well-dressed..., finding a partner will be like 1 million times easier for you than if you're not. And, probably, you'll go for an equally valuable, pricey "item" (if you know what I mean). That categorization of people as products of variable value makes me a little sad. But I guess it has always been like that.

Finally, all that applies to romantic love could be said as well about friendship: if you find someone who makes you feel good and brings genuine happiness and joy to your life, they are a keeper. And as such, you need to take care of them! Stop finding excuses for not getting together with your friends more often because life has changed and people walk different paths and blah, blah, blah. He who has a friend has a treasure. Don't give them away!

What are your thoughts about this topic? Leave them on the comments box!